Who knew taking on a city and its mayor would be a daunting task???!! I thought it would be easier than offering Honey Boo Boo a dollar to make her holllllleeeeerrrr! To me it was easy!! A matter of some heavy cheddar being dropped, a case of whiteout, maybe 3 meetings, and some squeaky fresh ink on paper. Uhm, yeah........about that....not that easy. In fact I feel I should receive a concession Prize due to my lack of knowledge in city politics! I did however learn that 10 pounds of packing tape, 12 cardboard boxes, and a sharpie can go a long way if you happen to be a red headed Scorpuo with Irish and Native American blood and can collect over 500 letters of disapproval!! Don't give me TOO much credit here though , we are still in the beginning stages (this noble conquistador only scored a 300 on her SAT....bad story...horrible night involving a cow and a makeshift air ballon. I was lucky to even make it there given the horrible conditions and my unholy body odor. I digress, I retook it and made an 890...I'm only partially incompetent).
Last June I was watching reruns of Sanford and Sons when I got a text to turn the news on( said person was behind bars. Yes it was family...lol..locked up for robbing someone with a chicken and a electric shock collar ((the chicken and the collar were the weapons))By the way..who knew they had cell phones in prison???) . They stated it was about the Atlantuuurrr city council wanting a raise. My first thought was to reserve judgement...then I realized I'm way better at being realistic. So, I willingly turned the channel. I saw a VERY VERY VERY ....VERY ...VERY .....large man on the news bitching about his 13 hour work week and the fact that he "only makes like 40 grand!". Say whhhaaaaa?!? Por que señor? He then went onto say, " We keep all of our citizens in our head daily and we just want to keep moving like that rapid speed (a brief sneeze and a chuckle). Our goal is to make the streets safer and we need to be paid 52% more to example our future generation study." Alright...stop collaborate and listen....huh????!!!!! Before we even get on the topic this council member wants to talk about we have to first look past this VERY VERY VERY VERY .....VERY large man AND break down the language barrier. I am going to try and interpret what he meant ??!! Maybe??!! Okay , so I guess he meant that they need a raise so they can continue to do nothing, work less than 13 hours, and make 52% more!!! Dude, sign me up !!! Where can I sponsor you?! This idea is so out of this world brilliant ,we should name a highway after you!!! congrats bro...You have convinced me that you deserve 52% LESS! In fact home skillet needs a groupon for interviewing classes,a Zyrtek, some VERY VERY VERY large(er) pants ( the pants were crying for freedom. I also recall a moose knuckle being involved) and the Rosetta Stone intro to English! As funny as it is to laugh at his expense, it's really not funny when you really break down the numbers and see police officers and their families on government assistance because the city council and the mayor would rather discuss more important business like, The Busted Ass Belt line. And how one day it will be like the BIG APPLE! It was time for someone to say, "HELLO?!? Is there anyone in there who understands where this city is at?? We JUST had furloughs ...now you want to make MORE money?!? What about our first responders??Do you people speak English?!? Shit, I'll even give it to you in Spanish!!! Does anyone here understand SIMPLE MATH?!? Again, we just came off of furloughs ...F-U-R-L-O-U-G-H-S!!! Sound it out...spell it out... Wait for it....there ,now you have the whole word!! So, we JUST got out of FURLOUGHS and now you want a R-A-I-S-E!! Not a measly 60 bucks a paycheck kind of raise but a raise where you will be making significantly MORE and still be part time!!! All of this while your first responders are working 60 hours. Lets go slower and say it again.... THEY WORK 60 PLUS HOURS with NO HOLIDAYS off and get paid around 35 grand A year....YOU make $43,000 DOLLARS to sit in meetings once in a very blue moon, go to lavish dinners (whatever happened to meeting at golden corral and breaking bread), ARE PART TIME WITH HOLIDAYS OFF!
What the hell?!?! How did this happen?!?How do people dictate their raises?!? What can I do to stop this?! Stay tuned...I'm going to explain!!!