Monday, July 1, 2013

Why Affliction shirts make you a total DoucheBag!

Don't get me wrong...I like watching the occasional UFC fights...even the ones where the dudes have cauliflower ears (gag me with a spork). I have been to a UFC fight (wasted). While attending this awesomely exciting event(sarcasm) I saw a lot of beefed up men with women's hair and a sea of AFFLICTION SHIRTS. They all looked roided out of their mind and kept grabbing their nuts ( yes I know...I was just as shocked they even had some left). It was not really the M.U.S.C.L.E action figures they were trying to be like that bothered me as much as those awful fucking shirts.

$75 a shirt?? That in itself is total douchebaggery. A nike shirt at the most might be $30 and doesn't have veins running through it or a Unicorn fighting a bull. I have also seen some of the fattest nasty men in these shirts. Put it this way if you are a female and you are tempted to go after a male with one of these shirts on be prepared to have the WORST one night stand of your life. You are more likely to get lucky and enjoy it with a dude wearing a shirt with a wolf howling at the moon.

I have always wanted to ask someone who has bought one of these ridiculously priced MMA shirts," did it come with a complimentary hand job?" If not you got ripped OFF. The same thing goes for Ed Hardy. Only I see MORE affliction shirts in the south than the Ed Hardy's. Must be a west coast thing. However I will say that the people who where "Ed Hardy" are probably just obsessed with Miami ink.Going back to the wannabe shirts..Why do everyone who has a scarred up face wear these? We all know that scar was not from a fight rather it was from a hard case of chicken pox when you were 7.I will never understand why anyone would actually want a closet full of shirts that make them look like they went on tour with Metallica?!?! These people are always carrying MONSTER drinks and flexing...They also have the tendency to throw deuces up in every picture. Have you ever seen these guys at a bar? I used to work in one so let me tell you..they walk around sticking out their chest, proudly donning their freshly pressed "AFFLICTION" shirt and their "BEDDAZLED" jeans (by the way what the hell is up with men also wearing rhinestones?!?!?!)scanning the bar hoping that someone will actually "ACCIDENTALLY" run into them so they can show off their Brazilian Ju Jitsu move they've been practicing from their DVR at home.Trust're a grown man wearing a $75 shirt with mythical dragons on it.
I actually saw this guy at the know the ones who grunt when they work out and sound like their about to bust a load? So gross....especially because I bet their nuts look like beef jerky...because you also know these guys Tan like it's their job. So this drooling dbag has an affliction towel, a water bottle, and jean shorts. He also had zits all over his backne....SO gross. He lifts the heaviest bar in the building and yells, "Make me scream!!!" And yes, he was yelling that to his "Workout partner (also wearing said shirt)." I really don't know where yelling that is appropriate nor do I know where wearing rhinestone sweatpants is acceptable. No one is wrestling a rattlesnake nor are you about to battle with a Viking. The camera crew is not here to film your "nickleback" video.

Real men don't need shirts with warriors on it to make them cool. Real men can work out without a label. They run, they lift weights, Shit...they might even love MMA but they don't have to wear a $70 shirt to prove their manhood. It is a TOTAL turnoff and it means that your dick is probably "afflicted with small size."

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Paula Deen....Full of Butter and Bullshit

Paula has been filling people's kitchen with amazing obese filled foods for decades. She has made an empire marketing herself and her sons. She has written tons of books and HAD her own Tv show on Food Network. But...she said the word nigger. A word FILLED with hate. A word that plauges our society.... And let's be honest I hate it even when african americans use it. In fact, I think it's something that most african americans accept as long as youre not white and saying it. Should what IS okay for one group be alright for another? I really do not know the answer to that. It's quite dirogatory and actually makes me feel "white guilt" when I hear someone of my own race use it. I cringe. Totally lock up...shut down..tune the author of those words out. When I hear people of the African American community say it I don't even give it a thought. It's as if they earned the right to say that because of what white people did to them. Like it is a brotherhood....almost making fun of what white people used to declare them. Like they amounted to nothing except a word that brought tons of struggle and inequality to the table.

Back to Paula....According to a news source this issue was leaked to the media that her right hand woman filed a lawsuit back in 2012 citing racial slurs against Black people, Jews, and Women. Wow, now that is quite the trifecta. This woman's name was Mrs. Jackson (apparently not if your nasty). The Deen family states that she was ," Hellbent on Revenge." On first glance you would think Ms. Jackson was black....not so much. Ms. Jackson is WHITE. Ive heard people say, " The black woman who worked with her turned her in." LOL!! Read the article. She was white. This just baffles if a black right hand woman would be less credible? Or moreover more credible? I digress...."Hellbent on revenge." Let's see here...a white woman came out with a story that she saw this going on in the restaraunt in Savannah GA. She tried to fix the broken communication and reestablish order. She was working for Pauly D's brother Earl Hiers. At a place called "Bubba's Oyster House." She claims that white workers made more than the black ones. I am hoping that is not true and that it was based on experience. Nevertheless, Paula and crew stated that, " She asked for 1.2 million dollars or she was going to leak this to the media." In my honest opinion here I think that she went to them and told them that their business was ruined, that the racial and sexual issues were abounding, and that she wanted it fixed or she was going to the media. Do I think that she tried to embezzel money? Hell no. I think that is the Buttery Bullshit the Deen Empire wants you to belive. A source states "Late Friday, a lawyer for Mr. Hiers filed a motion in the case arguing that Ms. Jackson was pursuing race-based claims even though she is white and thus had no standing." Is THAT not racist in nature?!?!? Your not black, jewish, although you have the woman card right but you have no goddamn dog in this fight? That should give you insight into what the attitude of "Bubba's" was all about..afterall if youre white I guess youre not required to stand up for what is right. You should keep your mouth shut because you are ONE OF US. You can clearly see the divide.

Now we circle back to a statement made by P Butter Deen long ago. In her own words, " A nigger broke into the bank I was working at and held me at gunpoint." And if it was a white man she would say.......We will never know. When asked if she had used the word "Nigger" again she stated she wasnt sure but maybe she had. I have heard a lot of people say...." Well we have ALL used that statement before"..."we have all slipped up"..."we all use that word"..or my personal favorite "It's just a word." Now before I get ahead of myself let me state that I abhore Jesse Jackson. I consider him an ambulance chaser and someone who screws up the world rather than fixing it. This is not about pitting people against each other and deepning the divide...It is about addressing issues and making them better. Paula Deen has a past (and so does her family at seems) at using the word "Nigger" and allows it to be a word in her vocabulary.

"Jackson's lawsuit also claims Deen wanted to plan a party in the style of a Southern plantation, staffed with black waiters dressed to resemble slaves.In her deposition, Deen said she was speaking of an experience she had had recently in which the wait staff was composed of black men in white jackets and bow ties, and that she had said she would love for Hier to "experience a very Southern style wedding" such as that." So we are talking about a "Plantation/Servant/Slave" Type Wedding/Dinner.I do not know how this coupled with the other things she has stated can be looked at as Racism. In fact this is racism at its ugliest! Having ONLY "black men in bow ties serve you?" That is the most atrocious thing I could ever think of. And if that didn't frost your Gooey Butter Cake, then how about the fact that she also said, " Our jokes usually target A GROUP. Gays or straights , black, redneck you know....I can't determine myself what offends another person." Well, there you have it folks....Coming straight from her lips to God and everyone.

I have to admit that part of me wants to believe the best about the Deen family. I really do. I have enjoyed her recipes for years. I really should sue her for the 29 lbs I gained from eating one slice of her cake. But the other part of me believes that she knew what she was doing. She knew what was going on. She condoned it and even participated in it because (in her words) "That's what they did in the sixties." She has almost had every sponsor drop her..the latest being Smithfield Hams. Where does Walmart stand? Guess we will find out in a few days. And the Today Show is having her on tomorrow. Hope Al Roker doesn't get in her way.....

All I know is that I won't be making her recipes or buying her products out of principal. Congrats to the WHITE woman for standing up for what is right rather than accepting this as "commonplace." We all need to be more like that even when we hear other people using that word no matter if they are WHITE, BLACK, JEWISH, GAY, or Green. NO H8.